ARTICLES
January 2001 ARTICLES
Contents © 2001
by Jim Holman.
All rights reserved.
It's Just a Pumpkin
Spiritual Counsel for Catholic Single Parents
By Bob Dupont
Trying to be a practicing, believing Catholic in today's society is tough. So too is being a single parent. But trying to balance the two can drive you mad. Whether divorced or widowed, the Catholic single parent has a lonely road to walk -- the more so because parish and parochial school activities are generally geared toward two-parent households.
For such Catholics, Our Lady Queen of Angels church, Newport Beach, in the diocese of Orange, has an active single parents' group. A friend e-mailed me about it, and so I went to the meeting of the group on November 17, 6:30 p.m.
The featured speaker was Father Fred Bailey, pastor of Corpus Christi church in Aliso Viejo. After the thirty or so of us were seated in a circle in a room in the parish center, the leaders of the single parents' group introduced themselves. Afterwards, we each called out our own names and where we were from. Then the leaders introduced Father Bailey, a heavy-set man with closely cropped gray hair and blue eyes.
Dressed in black trousers, white shirt, and a sweater, Father Bailey informed us that "this is as priestly as I ever look. I'm just dressed this way because I had to go to the chancery this afternoon." He had a very entertaining way of speaking, accompanied with asides, flamboyant movements, amusing facial expressions, and eye-rollings; he peppered his talk with such expressions as "hello!" and "puh-leeze!" "Fred," as he likes to be called, put on quite a show.
He began by explaining the name of his parish -- "Corpus Christi Catholic Christian Community" -- "oh, it drives some of our Evangelical brothers in Aliso Viejo crazy!" said Father. "They just don't think of Catholics as Christians. We like to remind them that we are, and that Catholicism is just our way, our format, of doing Christianity."
Father Bailey then told stories about the foundation of Corpus Christi. "We have some property we plan to build on," he said, "but for the moment on Sundays and holy days we take the Mass things out of storage and worship in a rented facility. We do have a rectory, now, which was purchased last year."
To furnish the rectory, said Father Bailey, "the parishioners had the idea of setting up something like a bridal registry. I went to arrange it at a local store. When the clerk asked me for a second name, I didn't know what to say -- after all, it was just me! So I said, 'there is no second name.' The clerk replied, 'well, there has to be.' Now among my friends, we say, 'oh, you're so Helen,' the way you might say, 'oh, you're so Frank.' So Helen was the first name that popped into my head. My middle name is Joseph, so I said, 'Helen Joseph,' and that was duly set down. But the next Sunday I had to explain from the pulpit why they would be getting thank you cards from Helen and Fred."
Warming to his topic, he continued: "Helen has taken on a life of her own. At parish meetings at the rectory, I'll be asked, 'is Helen joining us? How is she?' -- and that sort of thing. Sometimes on Sundays, I'll open up the sermon with, 'Helen and I were talking in bed this morning' -- which of course means I was there alone! But you can tell the visitors by the looks on their faces!"
Liturgical life at Father Bailey's "community" was then discussed. "I encourage the parishioners to come in costume to the Halloween Mass. Why shouldn't the family" -- he gestured around to all of us -- "enjoy themselves when they gather together? And don't be afraid of Halloween! It's only a pumpkin! It can't hurt you! Anyway, last year, I wore a Superman costume under my vestments. When the Mass was over I took them off and showed the costume -- with its fake chest I looked far better than I ever really did. This year, I wore one of those inflatable costumes, a pumpkin. Just before I took off my vestments at the end of Mass, I started inflating, and got some really funny looks as the vestments expanded. Then I took them off and revealed the costume."
Father Bailey then became serious. "But you know, I am humbled speaking to you people. You do so much, and you still come to church, you still come here. God loves you, you know. And He understands where you are coming from, that you do what you can. At Corpus Christi, we don't care where you are or what you do in your life -- that isn't who you are! Sins are like -- well, as you all well know, when you have a small child who is sick and vomits on you, you don't throw that child away. You hold him, and comfort him, and help him get better. Well, when we sin, it's like we're vomiting on Him. And His response is at least as loving as any parent's. He's not going to throw you away."
"A lot of people in the Church put rules first," continued Father Bailey, "like with holy days of obligation. If you love someone, you don't feel you have to fulfill an obligation to be with them; you want to be. And if you can't, you can't. So God is not going to reject someone if they can only be with him 42 Sundays a year. Or 30. Or just Christmas and Easter. At least they're doing that, and maybe it will lead to their doing more. But it's terrible when people like that get made fun of or denounced from the altar."
"Or take the old rule about fish on Friday! When I lived in a religious house and chaplained at a hospital, they served fish on Friday. But I would make my sandwiches every day from whatever was served at dinner the previous night. Since they served meat on Thursday night, I would have roast beef sandwiches or whatever on Friday, which would shock the nuns at the hospital. But these were just regulations, they were not truths!"
"It is not important which rules you follow, or what religion you call yourself. The sacraments are just gateways to encounter with God. What is important is that you be an intentional disciple of Christ -- that you follow him lovingly and knowingly."
Father said much else besides to the same effect. By the time he finished, five or so people had left. Walking out through the church, my attention was seized by the exposed Blessed Sacrament in a monstrance on the altar, the golden-coped priest and two altar boys kneeling before it, and the smell of incense. A group of about the same size as ours were reciting the rosary before the exposed Eucharist. I said a quick prayer for Father Bailey and my fellow attendees.